even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
