A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
not ubering you a puppy
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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