We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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