this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
