I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
