Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
