i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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