You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There's always time for handjobs
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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