to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
