Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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