They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
