she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
