that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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