I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
