my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize