i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
