Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
