Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
