Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
