I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
