we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
