so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
then he tried to convert me to islam
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
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It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
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tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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