Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
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Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
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by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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