in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
