The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
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