So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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