The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
