you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
