Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
God, I missed his penis.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
