My first STD was from a foam party
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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