Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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