Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
17 year olds will be the death of me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
