I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
