hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
