Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
