Cold hands, warm shart.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
