Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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