I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
