he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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