i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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