I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
