You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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