in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
