all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
