If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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