Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
