you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
