I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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