thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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