Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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