I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
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is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
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This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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