Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
