Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
