I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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