guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
