i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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