Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
