One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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