butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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