CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
