I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
