My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
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my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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