I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
