I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
