I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
