I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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