How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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