Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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