Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
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Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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