U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
