Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
