i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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