he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
it's like heaven, but drunker
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
