um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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