He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
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I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
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Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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