I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
