My room smells like vodka and shame
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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